It's been awhile.

Recently, I've been an emotional wreck. All the things I've been able to ignore with a smile on top are now blowing up in my face. I can't maintain a single decent relationship with anyone at the moment and there hasn't been a day where I have not gotten mad at anyone or anything for god knows how long. It's frustrating to know that I'm no longer in complete control of my emotions.

Of course I know where all of this is coming from. Home is now a very stressful place to be. A place that is supposed to be a sanctuary, has been a major contributor to my unhappiness. But I shall not elaborate much on this out of respect for my family. Obviously the stress and aggravation from the fights between my parents, fights between my mother and myself and the occasional nagging from my dad has rubbed off on my mood when I go to school. It's not that I don't trust people enough to share these kinds of things, it's just that I find burdening others with knowing things that are not theirs to care about is rather irresponsible of me.

I don't want others to know how angry I am at my own family.

Even so, it's not always that bad. Sometimes we do laugh, and no fuses get blown. But every other day is well... Yeah.

School. I am driving a wedge between my friends and myself. It's my own natural defense mechanism. Honestly, I don't feel like I belong anywhere anymore. I don't feel included, and the occasional insensitive comment is already enough to send my thoughts flying towards thoughts of leaving and finding a new place to start over. sometimes I want to strangle and trample on myself for getting worked up over small stupid things.

Yes, I am currently unstable and insecure.


No it's nobody's fault but my own and honestly I want to be cheerful and loud and irritating without the need to feel like im trying to lie to myself, but sometimes external factors just make it hard. Sometimes I just want to take the easy way out and sit there quietly and pretend to study, but I know that running away doesn't solve shit.

It would definitely help if one of the two places that I spend most of my time at become less hostile.



Bye.