to be honest, im really tired of everyone and everything around me.

i find that people now take my patience, and even my whole existence for granted. the little things that people usually take to heart, i let them go, no grudges beared whatsoever. i think people tend to overlook the fact that i actually have feelings and can actually feel hurt by tiny little insensitive remarks. not only remarks, but the little gestures that they choose to overlook are no less hurtful to me, than it is to any other person.

simple things like birthday gifts are yknow,

nevermind. anything i say will make me sound like a demanding little prat who's just craving for attention. i don't need anything, but sometimes little things like this make people feel important to others, and frankly now, i just feel like a disposable addition. no of course i understand, you need time for yourselves, and your parties, and your friends, and your parents, and your school and your church and your camps and your *insert interesting activity*

i understand completely. i am just ranting here, in my little space in the cyber world.

i want to run until i puke stomach acid. i want to run so long, and so hard that i forget how much shit the world is really made of. i don't want to face anyone except myself, and to run is basically to face yourself, and only yourself. losing yourself in the rhythm of your steps, breath and the beating of your heart.

that's what i need right now.

add to the fact that i feel like puking out my meal everytime i eat now, i can say that my problems are having are jolly great time surfacing alltogether and shoving themselves at my face. it's not easy, having bad body image. you feel the need to do drastic things to change yourself, and trust me you don't care whether you ruin yourself, because dying early might not be such a bad thing anyways.

k enough. im not in the right state of mind to type a proper post. but then again, i can't lie that my life's all rainbows and butterflies, so here i type a sneak peek in to my unstable and fragile mind.



bye.