monologues.

my conscience is saved but my spirit is broken.

i don't know whether my decision to abstain from taking tips is right anymore. i know that everyone studies the tips only, or at least most of them do. they have more time to concentrate on the things that are actually coming out, instead of meticulously going through every word, equation, calculation and experiment from every single chapter.

of course it's not fair. then again, i made it that way, my egoistic self too proud to accept help when it's already being given. too ignorant to accept the fact that i could actually be jeopardising myself in this futile act of proving my own self-worth.

too stupid to realise that i was digging my own grave.

i don't expect a top 10 position in my class this term - there are going to be people who will be scoring excellent marks for every single subject. i don't expect anything from myself, really. throughout this whole examination period, i've slowly begun to realise how wrong my own perception of myself was. i am a conceited, proud bitch who doesn't deserve to do well in anything. i have a huge ego, but no means to sustain my egoistic behaviour. i envy those who do well, but i'm too lazy to put in the adequate effort.

i am a big, fat, glob of disgusting and deplorable behavior. i am a living example of a horrible human being.