realisation hurts. the moment you start to believe that there may actually be something, the harsh reality of everything smacks you right in the face and suddenly you feel like you've been woken up from a really long dream.

suddenly you realise that everything was just a part of your delusional thoughts, conjured up by a heart craving for nothing more than warmth and care. like being thrown into cold water, the initial shock is almost painful, but once you settle down, life isn't so bad.

i'd rather live in reality than in a fleeting dream. i've been living in denial for too long, and now that i've finally come to terms with some harsh things, i feel almost refreshed. in short, im freaking happy la.



and i shall end my cryptic, abstract posting habits starting from now. (:

*


so, today my brother got me a pair of earphones. they're one shade lower than his, but it's good in it's own ways too. (: it's much MUCH lighter than his, and they fit my head better because they don't slip off all the time like how his does when i put them on. my pair didn't come with a bag, and they have a slightly more plastic-y feel to it, but nevertheless, i can sew a bag and presentation isn't much of a concern to me. i love my brother la.

no i don't only love my brother just because he bought me this, but because i couldn't have asked for a better fat pig in my house who bothers talking to my younger sister and i even though we have a pretty huge age gap, fetches us around and lowers his level of maturity just to make sure we're happy. yeah, definitely couldn't find another fat boi boi who's as nice as mine. (': headphones just as a added bonus la.

i kinda miss my sister too. she's in the outback now, slugging it out again to get through her course. the next time we'll all be together again is probably chinese new year. arghh i can't get used to the house being empty all the time. it sucks when you come home, just to get screamed at by your mother, and to add to that, i'll be taking most of it again when my brother's out of the house next week, when he leaves for shanghai.

sigh.

other than that, i feel obliged to study already. but then again, my overwhelmingly strong lazy gene has successfully prevented me from studying like i should be, and im pretty sure im gonna screw myself over when it's a week to exams and cram cram cram till i die. yupp, sounds just like me. (:

i've also been sucked into this degenerative cycle of marathoning dramas and anime, again. rotating between white collar, anime and sorting out my songs, and oh yes, mythbusters, is taking up my whole day. like seriously, i can spend 8 hours in front of my computer and not know it. IM SINKING INTO FAT VILLE. ZOMG DYING.

need to get back my jogging mojo. the weather's been pretty good recently. i shall jog tomorrow, on hari raya puasa, to reaffirm my belief that exercise is as important as eating. i don't want to starve myself. i don't want to have to starve myself. im losing all this fat the right way ; exercise and dieting against junk food. (:

mm, and im really inactive on facebook now. i haven't checked it in a week. LOLZZ. but twitter became my new facebook sooooo, there's not really much of a difference in the amount of time i spend on social networking webbies. pohoo.

okay, nights sunshines!


okay maybe not i got goosebumps from calling you sunshine. rephrase, NIGHTS NOOBIES! (:


thatss more like me. :P