yes, i totally understand that my parents are stressed. they come home late everyday, make stupid excuses for me to skip tuition and are driving themselves to the point of insanity. what they totally DO NOT understand, is that they have consciously or unconsciously turned me into their emotional punching bag.


every little thing i do is a mistake for them to pick on, and lecture me for it. all their sickening black hatred pouring out on me at random times. and yes, my other siblings are all godsent children from the heavens and beyond and i seem to be the only black sheep among your perfect family. how swell.

they keep complaining about how they have to put up with ME, instead of the other way around. honestly i don't even bother putting up a fight anymore. everything i say or do is a mistake to them and i have to be punished for it, one way or another.

tell me what to do, in situations like this. YES, I UNDERSTAND THAT YOU'RE GOING THROUGH A ROUGH TIME. YES, YOU DO NOT HAVE TIME TO CARE ABOUT WHAT I THINK OR FEEL OR WHAT IM GOING THROUGH IN LIFE NOW. i completely understand.

the least you could do is not make me seem like the worst thing that's ever happened to you.


oh yes, and those comparisons between me and my sister? they hurt. it hurts to think how bloody highly you think of her and how easily you can dismiss everything i've ever put effort into. how easily you praise her in front of my face all the time, without ever forgetting to mention how much of an excellent child she is compared to me in the process.


yes i am not as willing to help you as she did. did you EVER BOTHER TO CONJURE UP ANOTHER REASON OTHER THAN THAT I AM A FAT LAZY PARASITE? did you ever think for a moment, that when you ask for my help at work on sundays, i was recuperating from working 14 bloody hours a day commuting from school to volleyball training to tuitions to guitar class and the likes of it. did you ever realise that i was as tired as you were and unfortunately, i don't have time to hog the tv at night because you are hogging it all to yourself. i was busy trying to finish up whatever homework i could.


im sorry im not superhuman enough for you.


wonders how i haven't gone insane from all of this. even when you're not angry at me, you snap back at me and call me some degrading insult that honestly, really paints a good picture of what you think of me.


god, how i wish i could furfill your statements about me. but doing that will only affect my future, and i am probably the only one left that actually gives a shit about it.



i am going through as hard a time as you are. except that i do not scream and shout at your face as you do to me. my heart is not made of stone, and being capable of having emotions means that i can be/am hurt by whatever you let slip out of your mouth.


i need, a pillar of strength to lean on. something that won't come and bite me back, even if i show weakness.


god please give me strength to fight through this adversity.