i don't understand why my parents expect so much out of me. i'm juggling so many bloody things in my life now, that im about to implode from the amount of stress im try to handle. it's almost as if im expected to top my class every single time, expected to excel in everything, expected not to complain about not being able to understand my studies.

expected to be a perfect child.

sometimes, i feel like failing something, just to see whether my parents woud give me a verbal whipping, or words of comfort. at the rate it's going, im probably going to end up with the first option. okay SO WHAT IF I GOT 30/40 for addmath. IS THAT NOT GOOD ENOUGH FOR YOU. AM I BEING TOO DEMANDING TO ASK YOU TO FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT ALWAYS PERFECT?

i feel pressured to perform in everything. being mediocre isn't enough for me anymore. i don't like feeling like this. it's like im some monster overachiever who just needs to be better than everyone else. not that i deny that kiasu-ness runs in my family, but being overpressured by just the thought that i need to be better than everyone else frightens me.

i feel like the perfect example of the flaws in the asian education system.

and wth there's debate on thursday. bm oral on tuesday. mssd next tuesday. how much i would give to be some random person who doesn't give a shit about their studies, future and doesn't have their guilty conscience jabbing them everytime they do something even a teeny weeny bit wrong.

*

UGH HELL.